In case you missed it, the title was a reference to Bette Midler’s best work: Hocus Pocus. OK, so that movie sort of sucked. But I didn’t say it was a favorite of mine, I merely opined I felt it was Bette’s best. Beaches? Pah!
Scary movies never really scared me, until I tried to go to sleep. Sure, it is a laugh riot to watch a dude in a hockey mask slice his way through a cadre of imbecilic teens, but for all you know there could be a machete wielding psychopath outside your bedroom. So, yeah – I do have a sword within arm’s reach of my bed.* The only one of the “serial” movie bad guys I really liked was Freddy Kruger. Not because the Nightmare movies were necessarily good, but because he killed the kids in fun and imaginative ways.
Clearly, The Monster Squad was the best Halloween movie of the late 80s early 90s. It is on Netflix. When you finish reading this post, go watch the movie. Seriously. My second favorite: Ernest Scared Stupid. Not only did this film have all the Ernest spectacularness we’ve come to know and love, it also had Eartha Kitt!** In the movie we learn that Trolls are bad, milk is good, and that it is important to overcome your fears. We also learn that Ernest ends up kissing women that are way out of his league. While fun, I will say that this movie is nowhere near as good as the masterpiece known as Ernest Goes to Camp. How can you lose when you launch attack turtles from catapults? You can’t.
While not technically a movie, special mention should go to Thriller, for being awesome. For some reason Thriller played during Scott and Louise’s wedding reception. I led the wedding party in the dance, and we got it mostly right. That was probably the second most epic night of my life, to date. Not only was I thrilling (see what I did there?), but I also put out a fire, and recovered the best man’s mom’s lost 30th anniversary diamond tennis bracelet. Plus: open bar. It was a good night.
The mention of an open bar seems like a great segue into talking about beer, which I suppose is what I’m here to do. Tonight I’m drinking Hex, Ourtoberfest by the Magic Hat Brewing Company. This ale is 5.4% ABV and has a bitterness value of 25. When I popped the cap, little whispies of smoke curled out of the bottle, and the aroma of apple cider and spices filled the air. (It isn’t a cider, but that’s the imagery the smell evoked in my brain, which we’ve long ago established thinks weird thoughts). It has a crisp and sweet start with a bitter finish that goes down easy.*** As you can see, the ale is amber with a slight reddish hue…
This is a pretty darn good beer, one I’d be happy sticking with all night. In fact, on a scale from 1 to Mordenkainen’s Disjunction, I’d say the spell this ale has cast would be… Chain Lightning.
I’m finding myself at a bit of a lack for words at the moment, though admittedly I’m finding the siren’s call of Batman: Arkham City irresistable. So I’ll leave it here for now.
Until next time, remember: Wolfman does indeed have nards.
*It is the best home defense option for me. In my opinion, intruders are going to expect a gun, bat, or something along those lines and will be psychologically prepared for them. What they aren’t prepared for: a mostly naked, pale, ginger running at them with a sword, yelling gibberish with rage foam spurting out his mouth. The home invader will be caught off guard and I will stick them with the pointy end. Triumphant battle music will play, I’ll spin around, strike a pose, and gain some experience points.
**She was the second Catwoman in the live action Batman TV series from the 60s, and the first black Catwoman.
***Like a dress on prom night.