Archive for August, 2011

Bark twice if you’re in Milwaukee

Posted in Lagers on August 29, 2011 by wiseweizen

I love Autumn. Fall foods, Halloween, hoodie weather, pumpkins, and seasonal brews. I picked up four beverages at Whole Foods this evening and each of them had “fest” in the name. As this is my inaugural post, I wanted to pick something momentous. My choice: Barktoberfest. Why? Because a dog barked at me today. Perhaps not the most epic of choices, but it pounced out at me. This lager is brought to us by Thirsty Dog Brewing Company.

We’re festing at 6% ABV tonight. According to the label I should be lapping this up at a beverage temperature of 38-40 degrees. That seems like a very small window, and I didn’t realize I’d need to drink with a thermometer on hand.¬† I’m going to invent a drinking glass that has a built in thermometer and sell the idea to Think Geek. My first blog post and I’ve already got a million dollar idea. See kids, drinking = money!

When enjoying a premium beverage, I like to start off by giving its butt a good sniff. Sadly the olfactory senses aren’t on top of their game today (thanks preview of fall weather!) so we’ll move on… The spices lope across my taste buds in a manner that make me want to howl at something, but in a good way. There’s also a bit of bubblyness bounding down the gullet, yet I find the brew to have a crisp aftertaste. I realize “crispy bubbles” may not sound appealing, so you’ll either have to trust me or try a bottle yourself.

This lager is a great color. I really wanted to work in as many canine metaphors / words as I could, yet looking at the golden amber hue reminds me of the amber with the mosquito trapped inside from Jurassic Park. T-Rex may be the king; my favorite was Triceratops. He’s an herbivore, but has those horns. Dude just wants to be left alone to eat some shrubs, you know? Say you’re an Allosaurus tromping along on the hunt. You see my boy and think “How’d a vegetarian get so damn fat?!” then SQPLRT now you’ve got three giant holes in you. Triceratops is sensitive about his weight.

* <– This means there’s a footnote!

Would I drink Barktoberfest all night? No. While I really enjoy the spices, they are quite powerful. After about… the second bottle, I’d be ready for a different flavor. That said¬† – I would definitely bury a bottle or three in the back yard for future consumption.

How many Barks: On a scale from 1 to “Timmy’s in the well again” I’d give Barktoberfest Lager a score of Nefarious Postal Worker.

To really make your tail wag: Grab one or more friends and two bottles per person. At night, go outside and either 1. sit on lawn chairs or 2. lean against your choice of: tree, fence, porch railing, or aforementioned friend. Wax philosophical about dinosaurs. This activity best enjoyed at a temperature of 48-61 degrees, you might want to bring a thermometer.


*Hi, and welcome to the footnote. At this point you may be thinking:”WTF, how did he go from beer to dinosaurs?” My first retort is: How didn’t YOU?! My second is to inform you that this is how my mind works. I’m all over the place. In the posts to come I’m sure we’re going to run the gambit of silly, sanguine, sad, sarcastic, and spontaneous. Also, there will be alliteration. Try to enjoy the ride. Now, go back to where you left off and finish the post.